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Day 19
I didn’t write this morning. Although, I thought I had. I’m back in New York and it has been a mix of emotions. It is wonderful to have this new relationship with my family. I begin tai chi training tomorrow so I can’t be up long. Gotta get back on an early morning schedule. I have a fridge full of food. A body that hasn’t been this strong and rested in years and hope. So much hope. Where it comes from, God. It’s good to not feel pain right now. All this uncovering. Digging deep, it gets to you. Becoming, it’s a journey. Had my 2nd leather men’s group meting today and it was very cool. I’m learning so much about the culture and about myself. I always thought I was a dom but I’m not so sure it’s that simple. There’s a definite desire to want to serve but not necessarily submit. Someone said today that the two are not the same thing. That resonated. I got a set of nipple clamps and they are brand new. Like they need to be worn down a bit cause I can Bradley wear them but it’s exciting. I’ve always wanted sensitive nipples and I believe this will do it. I’m excited for this exploration. I understand why everyone thinks o should be a dad. I’d be good at it. Spending time with my little brother has given me the feeling of what it might be like. It’s a different kind of love. I’m very proud of him and I want him to be the best he can be. And believe he can do anything and I loved our workouts and how we pushed each other and seeing the results in front of my eyes. I love how much I grew too. I believe I can do anything I set my mind to. I am healing and it’s nice to not carry all that weight around. Staying off social media has helped. It’s amazing how so much of the world doesn’t feel like it’s falling apart when I’m not glued to a screen. I am not alone. Thank you for all who are behind me and with me. I feel great things coming but even if it doesn’t turn out how I imagined, it’s been great just trying. But I’m gonna succeed. It’s not in me to ever give up.
5.25.20

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