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I think I’ll start wearing a t- shirt that says warning, don’t fall in love. 😂 I’ve been thinking a lot about my fascination with men, particularly why monogamy is so difficult. I’ve been at this place before. It makes most sense when I am acting. Acting is the study of human behavior. Specifically character study. I’ve often talked bout having the full experience and sex being apart of that experience. I was having a talk with one of my daddies and he simply stated it’s ok to be you but why do you want daddies? I said, because they each offer something different and that something tends to be something I believe, I admire. He sparkles. He also has this soft side mixed with an animalistic masculinity that is very sexy. His confidence is beautiful. But I’ve spent a lot of time around older gay men, predominately white, learning from them also admiring but it hasn’t always been sexual. Why? Because they pioneered gay in a different way. I’ve also spent time with the original vogue fathers, excuse me, mothers. 😂😂 in the black community and they pioneered their own version of gay. They created their families in their own way but shared the common need too. And the influences of both and other cultures are how i have and am creating my own story. This is what I believe a Union town is. I lived the black gay experience in my youth. It was wonderful in its own way it was my mother experience. I’m having the daddy experience. Learning how to be the father I wasn’t able to have and thus merging all parts of myself. The mother, the Daddy and the inner child. This isn’t to shame anything my parents did or couldn’t do. They themselves are human and in many ways still parenting themselves. But like the saying goes, it takes a village to raise a child. I just need one fucking big ass village. 😂😂 I still believe sex is a part of the experience. Will I ever stop exploring? No, but I’m learning to learn through other mediums And engaging with people I trust.
Day 12 Am I lovable? Why not monogamy?

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