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Day 34
I’m feeling down today. I don’t understand why I’m not paid more money. Are the wealthy really like this? Why do classes exist. I can’t continue living like this. This world seems so unfair for an artist. I’ll never understand how we’re so needed and yet, so taken advantage of. Being me is lonely. I’m grateful for my younger brother, i want to pour into him everything I know so he has a better, easier chance than I. He deserves it, along with many people of color. I often get that people think I don’t like black men but I think it’s the ones that look like black Americans that aren’t as appealing. Show me locs and beards, what we were before colonialism. I’ve often wanted to grow my hair out but it’s to expensive to maintain. Another reason for more money. I’m not great at negotiating or understanding the “way” the world works. “The business side”. It upsets me that as an artist there isn’t a better design for us. I’m staying hopeful that it is coming. But at the same time, how do I get ahead? Nice guys finish last, they say. I’m too nice. I still feel like I don’t fit in a lot. I like many things. It would be nice to have more friends are genuinely interested in me. That’s what I like about my brother, I know he likes me for me. I don’t have to pretend or hide or worry about hurting his feelings. My parents did an alright job. With both he and azzy. They’re good kids.

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