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Day 31
It feels like people want something from me. There are times I love New York and then, I want to just be alone to just study and learn. I’m in an information gathering stage. With the advent of social media, I think sometimes people just want the attention of fame but still don’t care about the work. This job, this career, takes work. I study this day in and day out and also work on creating systems so people can have access but it just feels like there is still this sense of, my money, my way. This is what’s frustrating about being a visionary and at such a young age. Everyone is important but is it necessary to feel the most important all the time. I want something new. I miss being around artistic scholars. I wish there were a nasa for the arts. I guess there was once, Disney. I’d have no idea how to find it, tho. I do wish I had more money. I think I can ask for that. I need things so I can create. I’m thinking of going back home. It’s not perfect but I had resources I could draw from for my creativity. I like learning. I should focus on the good. My Tai chi classes are great. I have a great teacher and am learning a lot. I miss physical acting classes. I love my acting class. Their hungry for more knowledge and information about acting. I could say, I probably miss some of Theater as well. I wouldn’t mind doing a great role. I just can’t train here like I was in jersey. I don’t understand this city. Well, it’s probably what David lynch was saying, creating in negative space is terrible on the actor. Fear destroys a set. I believe that. I feel sometimes I live in a city where people are still afraid to spend money on creativity because it looks different, is different. This is why the country is the mess it’s in. Fear of change. Fear of the fact that things changing is a beautiful thing. I still think this city is trying to starve me into creating when, it just doesn’t work that way anymore. I just need freedom and money offers that freedom and the magical things I would create. I draw my inspiration from what I see, feel, hear, experience. I’ve been watching more of Anna Wintour and she talks about how people need to feel like your interested in what’s happening in the world which I understand. At the same time, my creativity draws from many different perspectives and I find it difficult to focus on one thing for too long. I need other source outlets that won’t receive criticism. I have to go where I’m guided otherwise I get stuck and i think it can manifest in my body.

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