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I wonder if it only human condition to fight? If we are not fighting each other and we put on the appearance of peace then do we begin to fight for the seat of who appears the most peaceful? I understand why the industry had become as jaded as it had. What else would you expect from people who sought fame from and felt it achievable by just kissing up to the right person or pretending to do the “right things”. The truth is, no matter what you do in life, what industry, it takes real work. Discipline and commitment. I understand why it took me so long to gain the trust of this city and the gate keepers. This isn’t a glamour job. It takes work. You actually have to genuinely care about people. Not just for the “moment” or because it’s trending. If there is one thing I’d like to do is break that cycle of following the hot ticket item and practice being. True mindfulness. Whatever is kept in the dark will come to the light. But what if we just practiced being transparent. This is me, flaws and all. Here I am and I’m committed to getting better and loving myself this entire, incredible journey. I now understand why I did background. I took less pay and more people were able to work. Our set fed us, so we didn’t have to worry about food. And our jobs were fun and not taxing. Background became a real job and supported our union. We made space for everyone. I’m exhausted, today. The mental and physical energy I’ve exerted this week has me tuckered. But on a good note, I feel like people are starting to understand me. To you, it looks like uncertainty but it’s a circle. I gotta move, I gotta sing, I gotta act, I just create.
Day 30

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