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Day 54
Is it just me or are we doing this wrong? I reached out to a gay dad about meeting up for some fun and he said he’s only engaging with a handful of people who are not engaging in large social events and who have tested positive for the anti bodies. I understand the desire to protect oneself... I was supposed to go to a black outside dance party yesterday and accidentally went to the wrong location. Beforehand, I reached out to the organizer and asked if they kids would be wearing masks? He responded that he believes that the pandemic is a government conspiracy and masks aren’t terribly necessary. I said, as the adults we can set the example to wear masks in large gatherings since we are in the midst of a “crisis”. He agreed. I get this whole thing and how it can relate to condom use but I’m going to be the first to say do as I say not as I do. I am very open about the fact that i don’t always wear a condom. If it is necessary for the situation, like an epidemic, then yes. But the difference between me and those kids is being a responsible adult who knows what’s going on in his body and engages with partners who do the same. I don’t think the answer to these marches is to stand divided, us verse them. Right vs wrong. I think the solution is depending on the environment, set the example. I plan on wearing a mask at this March and practicing social distance protocol to the best of my ability to set the example while in this arena. But when I’m in spaces with older more responsible adults, my plan is different. This isn’t a black and white situation. I think it’s important to read a room and know your audience. This is what sucks about having a leadership position or kids, the space to be me diminishes and as I get older I’m around less and less people like me because so many others go that route. Perhaps this is why I prefer gay spaces. But he has kids. We are in different places which is probably why they are trying to get me to be around people my own age. They’ve had these experiences, their liberation marches, their protests, and I guess are settling down some. Is this what I’m going to be at 50? I guess I have always been ahead my age but maybe the wisdom from them is don’t miss out on moments like these because of work or sex. But question is if my work is fun and I love sex, can’t I have it all? Perhaps. Perhaps with people at my age range. It sucks, I can’t usually find people my age as open minded as me. I don’t really think about owning a house. At least not now, I think about traveling, experiencing other cultures. I think about performing and creating. I think about how my creativity can revolutionize film making and who know maybe even science, musical theater. I don’t think about having kids. I think about martial arts and all the different forms I can master and mix together. I think about all the different ways I can still explore my sexuality. I still wanna learn music. I keep saying, I wish there were a nasa for creativity.

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