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Day 52
I think it’s an utterly backwards way of thinking that you only work on what your strong at. How else can u grow if you don’t challenge the weaker areas. Take my voice for instance. My belt is far superior to my falsetto. I know this. It is a fact but even when I am started singing I was not even close to being the singer I am now. Singing is absolutely an avenue of money making for me. Dance, I’m on the creative side of dance, now. I can create projects with that while still strengthening my voice because my ability to dance will diminish and men tend to reach their vocal peak in their 50s and 60s. So, please rid yourself of these ideas that you’re only supposed to work on the things you’re good at. I’m a natural born leader but I also think that being a good leader is knowing when to be a student as well. I guess I do have some anger. My anger comes from the expectation that I have to be everything that I’m not. I have been dealing with black people telling me so much that I have internalized racism and when that happens, I just start raging about past pain. I don’t hate black people, it takes too much energy to hate. And I don’t hate white people. I’ve had good experiences from both. The truth is, I just want to be happy and not judged but I guess people are going to judge regardless. Black people will probably always call me a sell out for going back to broadway but I want to. I remember being at juilliard in my senior year and we were asking one of our teachers what did she wish she had done that she never did and she said broadway. I want to play a lead on broadway. Perhaps, I wasn’t ready before but i am now. Or ready to take that leap. I still want to do film and tv as well. Anyone who knows me, knows I don’t just do one thing, I’m always thinking a step ahead. Life is exciting that way. I can do it all. This won’t take away from what I’ve been doing, only enhance it and now I’ll have my own money. But I want to also be on the creative end of things. Collaborate and learn. Be a real voice in the process. I think I’ve proven that I deserve a seat. I know I have way more to learn but that has never stopped me. I also want to still do philanthropy. I’m still only 33. I have a lot of life left but it’s also time to be a student, again.

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