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Can I say, I finally believe I’m a star. It’s funny, I always wanted to be as a kid or maybe I just knew it. But the thing about being famous or a star is everything and everyone around you start to change. I’m open to new things but having the freedom to walk around nyc. Workout at chelsea piers with people from the hood. Dance on the pier, those moments are priceless. I met a homeless guy today who said he had been trying to get dHS to help him find housing. I wanna help. I said he has to stay on them but he made a good point that some people on the streets don’t have the mental health to even do that. They aren’t capable. It’s cool that he felt safe coming up to me to say that. Bob and Bart talked about penthouse parties after my broadway starring role debut. I guess, I have to go. It would be fun for the cast, I know. At least the ones who’s first time it is on broadway. I remember my first party. It was ok. The apartment was amazing but it was a lot of that fake rich people shit 😂😂. Small talk and drinking. Lol. What if we did something like bowling, or laser tag. Or we could do both. That would be fun. People could still drink play a game. Socialize. I guess people wouldn’t get too dressed up for that tho. Or they still could. 😂 I am excited about going back to broadway. I don’t know how excited I’ll be about press events but it’s apart of the gig and promoting the show. It’s basically social media on a larger platform. I wanna be myself. Not some script tho. I sang I am who I am from la cage and what a freeing song. I really felt like I was high. I think it’s one of my best recordings. I watched it like 20 times. So proud of the work I’ve accomplished. So grateful for Virginia. I can honestly see my growth and that is so validating. I love how it’s inspired the industry. I see people really working on the craft. We are helping each other grow. Justin and I were talking about Epic. A few of them reached out to me. I know I’ll go back and help in some capacity. Justin suggested, what if I were on the board. I really like that idea. I think I could make some really positive changes that could really help them grow but I don’t know how Aubrie would feel about that. This is her baby but I don’t know if I can participate with them when I know as much as I know. It’s a difficult place to be in. My back is hurting. I could really use a massage. I need to stop carrying so many bags as well. I think I finally have access to the amenities in my building. Maybe I’ll go try them out tomorrow. I have this theory that I’m like michael Jackson and the roads are blocked off by the police to keep fans away. 😂😂 nahhhh, that’s funny. Could u imagine? I know I’m on a reality tv show. I want to let people help me now. I don’t think I understood what that meant. I guess when you touch peoples lives, they wanna send you stuff or do things for you. Like liz, buying me a months worth of acting classes and she had the nerve to say she wish she could have gotten me something better. I’m like, best gift ever! I’m such a nerd. I really like Davide. He’s so cute and I feel like I can be myself with him. I’m not sure what John wants. I kinda get the feeling sometimes that he might want something else. I wish he’d just talk to me about how he’s feeling. I’m a big boy, I can handle it. I do like him tho. He offers something else. There’s such a kindness to him and how much he want to please me is a huge turn on. He gives me my space and freedom and that feels like love. I feel like he takes care of me in many ways that I’m not always aware of. But tv people, don’t be discouraged. I still am going to be a film maker as well. I’m getting my new groove together of studying all of the above. We are going to create some magical shit nyc. I still love the thrill of doing new things. I just need a stable income for a while. But I’m loving all this free stuff too. I didn’t know that’s what people were talking about. I’m watching Mira nair on MasterClass and she says some incredible things about film making and the shoots that she created, cinematic beauty! I had an idea to do big movie musicals so we’d get the best of both worlds. Be on tv and do musicals. But I’d want to do em like old Hollywood style with grand sets and elaborate choreography. But I guess nyc is the set. I’m excited for Whats is about to come. I’m grateful to all the people who’ve been patient with me and helped me get to this place. I know it’s been a bumpy ride but I hope in some way. You’ve enjoyed the unpredictable journey as much as I have . 😂
Day 50

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