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I guess this is real. People think I’m afraid. It’s not fear, I guess it comes down to sanity. The strange thing is I still don’t get this passive culture of suggestions. My friend liz was just real with me this morning and I’m like, ok, I get it. I’ve been telling people I’m not great at organizing. But I am great in front of a camera. I know how to reach people. My Tai chi teacher, I have a great idea of how we can promote his classes but the first day I came in and asked to record, he replied he already had a video online, so I automatically took a backseat cause it’s his project. I could easily teach a host of classes back to back on a Wednesday, I guess zoom style. A better idea would be to have the class in the park and shoot it on zoom there. But people aren’t specific. My friend justin reached out to me about taking a dance class and I was like eh. Lol. I guess he wants me to teach dance too but instead we are going to do some strength training. Partly, because there are a lot of really bad dance classes out there and secondly I think that’s what he will need more of. I have a gift. I can look at people and prescribe the type of movement they need to heal them. That’s why the idea of teaching en mass bothers me so much but I guess people want what they want and if they are willing to pay, I should teach. I guess I’ll never get that NASA for creative arts. Alright, let’s get to work. Time to organize. People want to understand movement. Why I start with music? Society has reduced dance to counts when dance is musical. Understand music and you understand movement. I have never felt this creatively stuck. No sex, no money, no people. I feel like people are waiting for me to do something but I feel like I’ve lost all connection to what it was I had in the first place. Creating through a screen. It makes no sense. I am taking a break from social media. My acting teacher was right. All the screen activity is too desensitizing. I’m really starting to believe this whole covid thing is bullshit. Is it a tool being used to manipulate and divide us? This kind of isolation isn’t healthy I look at things as a student first. I didn’t realize I could be a Udemy instructor. A bunch of stuff pops up on my Instagram as what I’m assuming are suggestions for ideas and I go, something else I can learn. Then I have to sit through these meetings talking about stuff I still don’t understand when someone like Bob just says, do a 90 singing challenge. It’s direct. There’s an objective and I get to do it on my timeline. And I don’t need any reminders or follow up meetings or whatever a prg is or an action partner. Singing is easiest to teach, start with that first, create that course and an income. It’ll also help people develop a sense for music because movement is so important to movement and no offense but a lot of people don’t have musicality. Also, most of the time, silence means I’m thinking. I am a musician, I just learned to play my body first. But the truth is, I was a singer before I danced which is why I think I’m so adamant about having an understanding of music before movement. Cause I play music with my body but how can people learn to play something if they don’t understand
Day 45

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