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Day 36
Feeling much better today, did a lot of stretching yesterday. I’m still concerned about money but I’m trying to let that go. I’m so much better when I’m moving. Sitting still really doesn’t work for me. I still hate this digital era but I guess I have to adapt. I still think people are trying to set me up and that just feels pointless. It would be great to meet someone who gets me but I still don’t think he’s in this country. Why is that? Perhaps I’m too independent. Maybe I need something or someone I’ve never experienced. Maybe I already have him. I don’t know. Honestly, I’m ok not trying to find him. I feel like these feelings come from other people’s desire to see me with someone. I don’t mind my independence. I have a good support group of siblings, actors, gays, singers etc. I was happy before all of this started. Became even more happy when I started building my relationship with my brothers and sisters. I’m still crazy and gay but I think media is trying to hide that part because maybe white people are scared I’ll corrupt their children? Maybe black people too. Honestly, I just want to make films and live my gay happy life. I have an audition coming up. That’ll be fun. Been working on a new scene as well that I’ll try and tape and post either today or tomorrow. For now, I’m going to go workout and then voice. I create. When I’m not creating, I’m dying. I have to create, it doesn’t stop. I can create for everyone and plan to. I don’t understand these lines and divides we create amongst ourselves. Maybe there is. Reason I don’t see the world this way. I’m tired of loyalty being questioned. I create as it comes to me and the problem is if I don’t have the resources to create, I move on to the next project until either something becomes available or it just doesn’t get done. This is why I envision myself having a production company but it NYC seems so hell bent on staying divided. Imagine how much more we could create if we all worked together.

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