My Ex

I don’t usually talk about past relationships or my relationships at all. I prefer to keep my romantic life pretty secret aside from the occasional flirt but I want to clear the air.
I think most people often create an idea of someone based on one side of a story. The truth is as I continue to figure out what the right love is for me, with him, is how I experienced it first. Like, real love.
Most people don’t know but he was the first person to truly support me as a singer.
I left broadway in 2013 for a lot of reasons. One big one I didn’t know this was why at the time but I had just become HIV positive and I was very good at numbing my feelings and had no idea there was this internal battle going on. I met my beautiful ex. I mean, like Godlike! He was truly something to behold and the truth is, we were young and made a lot of mistakes together and everyone keeps saying I have to cut him from my life. But I owe him.
Going back to the singing competition. I auditioned for stonewall sensations and it was a truly happy experience. It was the first time I actually was just a singer. I had wanted this since I was 8 and I was doing it. Every Tuesday I had to prepare a song in the style of the judges choosing and in order to progress in the competition we had to bring friends who would pack the bar and buy drinks to get tickets to vote for their favorite singer. Well, kinda like now, back then I wasn’t very good at making friends. I had a few classmates from my acting class that showed up a few times and that was really great but to be honest, I came in third place because my ex drank me there.
😂😂 I know some may think it isn’t the healthiest of choices and most nights we would argue on the way home about what I could have done better but before the world or any of my friends realized my talent, he did. I came in third by the way. And not just because of his drinking, I was good. The judges even cast their votes for me many times.
We struggled a lot and we broke each other’s hearts many times and for 5/1/2 years we stuck it out. Went to counseling, tried the dogs will make it better approach
Anyone who knows me, knows I’m a fighter. And I’ll go to the ends of the earth for the people I love. I learned that from my dad.
I hate failing at things. It almost never happens. But with him, it did and it will always be my biggest and probably only regret.
If I can impart something, always be honest with who you are with the people you love. It may not always be well received at first but in the long run it will be worth it. Dont feel the need to rush into a relationship. I used to hate when people told me that but I understand now. Knowing and loving yourself is so important before loving someone else. And it’s true, you really can’t love someone fully until you’ve embraced and accepted who you are. I want to thank him from the bottom of my heart for supporting my dream all those years. I don’t care what people say, I will pay you back one day but right now, I need more help. So, I will see you again when the time is right. You know you’ll always have a piece of my heart. I love you. Thank you for teaching me.