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3.20.20
I used to believe that everyone could create but it isn’t so. You can give everyone access to creativity and I believe I have done that. But I believe creativity takes a certain level of boldness that sits outside of the social norm. I can’t teach you. I don’t even know who I’m teaching. How can I show someone to move who doesn’t have an understanding of movement itself. I understand the audition process, now. To teach everyone to create isn’t possible. My acting teacher once said to be an actor you have to have a mind but what I see is most people are looking for someone to follow, to make decisions for them. I don’t believe that and creativity go together. It isn’t a formula, it’s a process and the process is individual but you have to be willing to do the work and unfortunately most people are just waiting for someone to do it for them. That isn’t me and I’m tired of being what everyone expects. I want to grow, there is so much more to all of this world than the comfort of ones community. The world is my community and it’s the experiences, the real person to person interactions that are the most impactful. I said the other day, I don’t belong here and honestly, I truly feel that. Being confined to these systems and formulas is maddening. Teach us, they say but you won’t change to learn because you need safety and security. I’m used to the uncertain even in the wake of a virus, I know I’ll be ok. All of these comforts and things aren’t necessary. I’m at the point where I’m ready to go be a farmer and forget about all of the nonsense that people associate with fame. It’s not important. You don’t need validation from anyone but yourself. A friend once said to me, you’re talented and a free thinker, can’t you understand why people look to you? I replied, I would say the same thing someone told me. You don’t need me to give or validate anything. You simply need to look within yourself. Let go of all the societal supposed too’s and ideological thinking. I can’t be a trend. It isn’t who i am and if that’s not ok, then I should go somewhere else. I am who I am and that’s enough.
I am what I am

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