Oh my soul loves...
I guess there is a period in every mans life in which he has to choose their path. On one hand, I grew up believing that every bit of the Bible was the living word and then completely ran away from it because my spirit, the gay part of me always felt shamed and out of place. Then I ran to I guess, “the other side”and they tried to covet my soul as well but the God in me and my birth family wouldn’t allow it all the while the question on everyone’s lips is how is he so creative? I truly believe that God doesn’t make mistakes and I, me, this spirit this body this mind is no accident. I have a heart after God but a wonderful desire for man, literally. And it doesn’t feel wrong. In fact the most whole I’ve ever felt is when I fully embrace my desires, for God and for men but this world consistently wants to put limitations on what by definition a limitless creator can do and frankly, I’m sick of it.
I feel like my life is a constant tug of war for my soul when in-fact, my soul is fine. I can’t run away from God, I tried it and he won’t let me so I stopped but I also know he didn’t put me here to hate any part of myself so church folk, stop. God is love, he loves everybody even the satan worshipers and our job is to walk in his likeness, right?
I am a dichotomy in the truest sense. I can’t stop loving God but I also desire to be a dom leather daddy who practices kung fu, qi gong, and wanting the occasional tie me up and punish me a little who is also an excellent throat masseur. 😂
And trust me, I get plenty tired of both of you trying to ram your ideas of what I should be down my throat.
I am that I am. And instead of focusing on trying to change or control that, focus on your love for me because I love both sides and just maybe that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be.
The goal for Amaker has always been to be whole. So if that means, I’m part Buddhist, part gospel, and part bdsm-tantric master/slave and whatever else I may become along the way, Accept it and love me for who I am and maybe you’ll start to see how much we actually have in common.