8.1.19

I’m supposed to love my hair
I’m supposed to love my feet
I’m supposed to love my voice
I’m supposed to love my teeth
I’m supposed to love my eyes
My smile, my walk, my hump, my HIV
Cause It’s apart of me and I’m supposed to looooove me.

Today, I went to a tantric workshop and it specifically focused on anal pleasure. I know, this may be too much for some of y’all but let me finish. One thing the facilitator said that stuck out to me was life is supposed to be pleasurable.
Now many of y’all have heard my story of becoming HIV positive and it was a traumatic experience but what I learned was I can’t let those experiences stop me from living life. You learn from your mistakes but you can’t hide in fear of it happening again and therefore never experiencing something new.
The facilitator made an interesting reference during one of the anal exercises. If you’re not used to stimulating the prostate it can feel traumatic and take some time for it to feel pleasurable but you just have to grit your teeth a little. Then he demonstrated how to create physical associations that would link other pleasure points to anal stimulation thus helping make the experience more pleasurable.
I became positive through anal intercourse. No surprise there but I believe my body especially that area shut down. I talk about energies a lot, especially the masculine and feminine. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying by what I’m about to say. Typically, and especially in sexual situations, the male is seen as the giver and female the receiver. In gay relationships there is usually a giver and a receiver. Is it possible that act of receiving for the male is partly a connection to the feminine power?
What happens when you shut off the receiver? I believe, you become unbalanced. It is so common in American culture to demonize men whom receive anal stimulation wether from female or male but life is meant to be pleasurable and I believe there is a definite connection to the sakral chakra and this kind of work. Remember, our sexuality is apart of us and our job as human beings is to love ourselves wholly and unconditionally. For those of you battling with sexual trauma, I think the key is building new associations to your sexual identity, not avoiding having one.

I’m supposed to love me.