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And the thing is, they are just as beautiful in the night as they are in the light. And they do nothing for Gods affection. They just be. What is this? The color purple? 😂 But this brings context to that last iconic line “I think it pisses God off when you walk past the color purple and don’t notice it. People think pleasing God is all God cares about.” It amazes me that people are so sure of how this goes. This worked for me so do this or go back to this and remember this. But isn’t the idea of being present to experience each moment as anew? I’m pretty sure that’s a word. I think this is why books about business drive me insane. This formula doesn’t exist anymore. It was created on someone else. It’s strange though. Technique is a formula. Ballet is a set of the same movements with a structure that you repeat over and over again, until it is engrained but then you can break the routine. You play with it. I always say the technique is just a vocabulary, like the alphabet but once you know all the letters you can create your own words. This can’t be all there is.
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Why am I here?
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I imagine this is the single most asked question of the human race. I suppose that should make me feel less alone about it, but it doesn’t. I guess I always knew I was different but not just gay different. I still don’t know what that is to be honest, I just know people don’t get it. . The truth is, I have a lot of people who love and care about me, including my family. I have a loving family but I can’t help but think that America has this idea that once I know that, I’ll change. I’ll become the good black christian leader I’m “meant to be” and this story will have the happiest of endings. But that isn’t who I am. I can’t help but wonder why would God give me all this curiosity, and ability if I’m just to live in fear of him? What’s the point of desire if I can’t explore it? Why give me the gift of creativity just to spin around on a gopher wheel? Because that’s business. That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. And I say that realizing stupidest isn’t a word. 😂 You know the thing I hate most about business? Steps! Ugh! If I see one more, do these steps to master this, I’m gonna take all my crystals and stone myself to death. 😂😂 That just doesn’t make sense to me. Every project, every endeavor requires a completely separate set of tools And I don’t know how to put that into a formula. No creation is the same and I can’t change that to make the world feel comfortable. I imagine I’ll end up living on a beach somewhere in a cave cause I’ve gone completely out of my mind but I’ll be happy. Now, I have no problem with my family and their beliefs. The structure it provides is admirable. They are raising a fine household and to be honest it is the foundation of who I am, but I know deep down, that isn’t all I’ll ever be, not all I want to be. I went for a walk and took a few pictures of the nearby flowers blooming at night

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