Can you hear me?
I’ve been experiencing a lot of anger. Not toward my family, but perhaps the world. Is that even fair tho? I had a conversation with my dad and he said, the world isn’t ready for me. And not in a ego way but in a way that he’s trying to protect me. The truth is, it’s not always fun. I think I’m angry because I’ve known this thing about myself and have gotten so used to having to fight the world, my family, just to be believed. And what can be even more frustrating is when I accomplish something, it still seems to be a surprise. There are worse problems, I know. But I want to be able to breathe one day, and just know that people really believe what I see, even if they can’t see it themselves. But I guess, it is happening now. And I’m truly grateful. I’m trying to feel safe. Knowing that I don’t have to fight anymore, I want to let go of the anger and the having to be my own cheer leader all the time. I often get, “people who are humble don’t have to praise themselves all the time.” My response has always been, when you’re the only person cheering you on, sometimes that’s all that gets you through. It’s less about trying to prove anything to anyone and more about keeping your voice as the strongest one in your head.
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4.23.20